Dealing With Grief During a Pandemic
Mindfulness is a behavioral practice that I’ve always respected, but never really used in a practical sense. Generally speaking, I also considered therapy to be like taboo, thinking that by ever admitting to having a mental illness I’d be considered weak. I assumed that my family and friends could only love and respect me if I kept things light and fun, so I suppressed and internalized all of my negative thoughts. This approach seemed to work for many years and was enabled by the fact that my dedication to my career often diverted my mind from the issues that caused me real grief and fear.
But throughout 2020 and into this year, I’ve been forced to confront these issues head on. The pandemic has affected my mental health in ways that I still don’t fully understand. This is the first time I’ve ever gone through a long-term “lock down” and its effects are something that I will need to analyze for years to come. Truth be told, I am envious of the people who have thrived in this environment. I really thought I could have been one of them, and wish that things were different for me. But this is my reality and these are the cards that I’ve been dealt. I’ve always prided myself in having control of my own destiny, so when I started to lose that sense of control, I quickly began a descent into an incredibly dark and lonely place. This eventually led to feelings of extreme irritability, weight gain, and (scariest of them all) total lack of self-awareness. The couch became my comfort zone where I could temporarily block out any negative emotions with a good Netflix binge. Soon enough, I looked forward to my weekly criticism of the reality TV characters whose lives I had become so heavily invested in. People I had never met in my life, who were being paid to say and do certain things for the camera, but were nonetheless an easy means for airing out my frustrations.
Under normal circumstances, grieving is an extremely difficult process. Under Covid-19 circumstances, the process becomes that much more complicated. I know because I’m going through it myself. As humans, there are so many factors that cause us grief. The death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship or friendship, the loss of a job and an infinite amount of other triggers. Sometimes our sadness seems to be caused by nothing in particular at all. There is no guidebook on how to deal with this type of pain. Losing someone or something you love is one of the greatest pitfalls in this beautiful life, but I like to take comfort in knowing that the memories of the good times will forever remain gently tucked away. The most important thing we can do during the grieving process is to remember to always practice self-care.
The following habits are some that I try to incorporate daily to help improve my outlook and increase my overall sense of self-worth.
1.) Increase Exercise- Staying cooped up inside all day is straight up exhausting! To make matters worse, I went from being in the best shape of my life to being in the worst seemingly overnight. Endorphins are a wonderful thing, and their absence can leave me feeling extremely hopeless. The hardest part for me is finding the motivation to get into my workout clothes, after that I generally find it much easier to get moving. The commitment to exercise alone can be tiring, but I’ve found that going for a twenty minute walk along the Hudson River is still better than doing nothing.
2.) Limit Social Media- This is a tough one for me and what I am about to say may not come as a surprise to anyone, but it needs to be said anyway. Social media is NOT REAL LIFE. What we choose to show our followers, or the world, can often be a misrepresentation of our actual feelings and often omits any form of raw, unfiltered emotion. I’ve struggled my whole life with trying to obtain perfection, whether it be in terms of my career, my body or just my lifestyle in general. So imagine the pressure I unnecessarily put on myself when I scroll through filtered versions of other people’s lives. Nowadays I try to focus my energy on other platforms that allow me to keep in contact with the family I don’t get to see regularly (Hi Grandma and Grandpa!!) There’s no reason why I should be obsessed with what others are doing or saying on the internet. So if nothing else, always take what you see online with a grain of salt and remember to be kind to yourself.
3.) Practice Sleep Hygiene- One of my biggest obstacles to prioritizing rest, especially during the early months of lock down, has been overcoming the obsessive feeling that I need to be logged into work or school during all hours of the day and night. I’ve literally worked myself into the ground and have been trying to recover from this for months. I still have trouble getting out of bed most days. To help reverse this behavior I began to incorporate a bedtime routine into my evenings. This means absolutely no technology sixty minutes prior to bed, and a soothing Sleep Story (thank you Calm App) to help me wind down after a long day. Being consistent with growing this habit is a work in process, but each day I try to make a conscious effort to relax. Long gone are the days of running on four hours of sleep each night, it’s just way too important to take for granted.
I don’t bring these issues up because I’m looking for attention or pity. By expressing my emotions and how I’m fighting to control them, I’m hoping to remind anyone who faces a similar challenge that I am right there with you. I know the struggle and though I don’t have much scientific knowledge on this matter, I can say that how we each deal with this pain can differ tremendously. Sometimes it takes a little extra guidance to help us get through. Therapy is not taboo, our mental health matters.
In becoming more open about my feelings, I’ve received such an outpouring of love from my friends and family. I’m so grateful to have such a strong and caring support network. Being able to lean on people who genuinely appreciate and care about me has made such a difference and I hope that everyone in the world realizes this blessing. I’m hopeful that I will make it through this rough patch. And if you’re struggling, I know you have what it takes to make it through also. I am optimistic that we will overcome the pain that’s been settled within our spirt and will once again find happiness in the most important relationship of all; the one we have with ourself.
-E
